Monday, 21 February 2011

I now face a new loss and new journey ...

Since I wrote my book 'Eyes without Sparkle - a journey through postnatal illness' in 2005 my new journey was very different from the original family life I had always imagined. The speaking world and other factors took its toll on my marriage and I found my soul mate in fellow speaker Clive Gott.

The last three years have been a very dramatic roller coaster ride and finally this year we were emerging at the start of a new 'high'. Clive and Dominic were beginning to build a relationship; I had officially moved in and had a new home; I was supporting him in business and all the new marketing plans had begun to take off.; we were planning joint speaking presentations and workshops again too. We were beginning a fantastic new journey. He would tell me numerous times a day how much he adored me and made me feel like I was the most important person in the world.

He had a second knee replacement last Monday and was doing very well, but refused to let me nurse him - Mr independent. On Saturday he began to say he felt he had heartburn and felt unwell. He went up to bed, I tucked him in and kissed him - 20 minutes later he suffered a heart attack or clot and very quickly left us.

I need to leave the PND world for a little while .... but I will be back.

Elaine Hanzak


Rachel kirkbride said...

Elaine , I am so so sorry to hear this news my love. I am thinking of you at this dreadful time . Xx

Sue France said...

Dear Elaine, Your very sad news has shocked the world of everyone who knows you and/or Clive. You have many people thinking of you right now and willing you to keep strong and at the same time allowing you to take time to grieve. Both you and Clive changed people's lives for the better and he was a well loved and respected man. His work can carry on within you and I am sure the precious time you spent together will be in your heart and soul for ever. Here is a poem that I feel reflects my thoughts on the passing away of a dearly loved one and I hope you can take some comfort from it:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a 1,000 winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sun on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled light
I am the soft star that shines at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there; I did not die.

He will always be alive in your heart and I know you will celebrate his life and wisdom and take comfort in the fact that you found and enjoyed true love with such a remarkable man.

Thinking of you Sue France xxx

Helena said...

I just watched your video old midwife, so delighted to find you.
My heart goes out to are not alone.
Helena from linkedin

Michael Peiniger said...

Dear Elaine,

I cannot put into words how sorry I am for your loss. It has taken me 24 hours to come up with these words - I do not know what to say.
I know we only met and corresponded briefly after meeting last year, but I have kept abreast of the amazing work you have been doing. I am sure you will deal with this, such a terrible loss, with the same dignity, care, emotion and respect that you undertake your work.
As you know, I am in Melbourne Australia - if you feel that you and Dominic need to get away for a while, our door is open and you have a place to stay and deal with what you need to.
Thinking of you