Today is the first day I have woken up in a house on my own on Christmas morning. I could hear the beautiful sound of the church bells. I wasn't sad as I woke, imagining all the scenes across the world of children excitedly playing with presents. I remembered last Christmas morning - the only one I was actually with Clive before I dashed across the M62 to be with my son and the rest of the family.
Today I shall not be seeing any of the M62 - the first in 3 years! As I munched my toast I listened to Ed Stewart's Junior Choice with memories flooding back. I thought of Clive and how we had listened to that programme last year with him singing along to many tunes! I recalled him singing 'Ernie' - ironically one of the tracks we played at his 'celebration' with the line 'He was only 52 - he didn't want to die'.
I remembered my grandparents and many of the Christmas joys and sagas we had with them!
I thought of Clive's family and how life has changed for them since we lost Clive. I thought of others who are facing their first Christmas without a loved one. I thought of my own family and how I shall spend the rest of today with my son, parents, siblings, brother-in-law and nieces and nephew.
My memories made me smile and it occurred to me that I could choose to spend the day dwelling on the past and being sad. Instead, although the sadness will be there, I choose to focus on the present and future and appreciate the people in my life now because today will be about making new memories.
Thank you to all of you have supported me through the loss of Clive. He will forever remain in my heart as a very special man and those of use who were fortunate to meet him were blessed - as many of you have told me. So please raise a glass to remember him, as we shall do today, but in the words of Christina Rossetti,
REMEMBER me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
So have an amazing day today - smile and create new memories with your loved ones. They are likely to become very precious.
Merry Christmas!
Elaine xx
So have an amazing day today - smile and create new memories with your loved ones. They are likely to become very precious.
Merry Christmas!
Elaine xx
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