Elaine Hanzak's Blog: How I celebrated Clive Gott's birthday

August 11th will always be a poignant day for me as it was Clive's birthday. The first summer we were together he celebrated his 50th birthday (by the way, has anyone got photos of that night as I can't find any trace?). He had booked a venue in Tadcaster and invited friends, family, colleagues for a party. Food was fish and chips from a van outside! It was a fun night. He was on excellent form!

My man, Clive Gott

This year I had a choice - stay in bed and mope or choose to celebrate in some way? Clive Gott lived for inspiring others. He would not want me to wither away.

I awoke however with some worries on my mind - and not just because Clive would have been 53 today.

I was up just after 6 a.m at my desk! Several years ago I was given the advice that if something is worrying you then you have two choices - if it is beyond your control or a 'what if' situation, why worry? Alternatively if there is something you can do - get on with it!

So rather than laying in bed stewing, I got active! By 7 a.m. I had sent off several emails in my attempt to 'get on with it' and then focussed on getting more opportunities to live my purpose - making early parenthood easier and happier for others. Along with my team of trustees at The Joanne (Joe) Bingley Memorial Foundation, we aim to help women and their families by raising awareness and providing information about postnatal depression. Joe tragically took her own life 10 weeks after becoming a mother to Emily. I came close to suicide myself as a new Mum and I completely understand how your mind can unravel to that extent. We also acknowledge that the effects go beyond Mum and baby but to the Dad, other family members, close friends and ultimately the workplace. Ann Girling and I have been delivering workshops together for a few years now and we continue to be driven by them. Feedback we receive shows how they help the professionals involved on both a personal and professional level. We both stress 'the importance of you' because unless you look after your own needs first, you are not best positioned to help others.

We have created a new flyer to promote these workshops. If you have any contacts with people who have young families, either personally or professionally please pass on the link! Such information has already saved one life and improved it for countless others. Although Ann and I are based in the north of England we like to travel!

Many of you have offered me help in any way. The best way is to enable me to help others. Clive's death still seems to be a waste and a huge loss. One of the few ways I can make sense of it is to make my light in the world shine brighter to help others.

I was shown this relevant quote yesterday (thanks to Steve http://www.jigsawconsulting.org/SteveStore.htm)

‎"A candle loses none of its light when it lights another candle" (unknown)

Last year Clive had worked on his birthday and we'd celebrated a different day. So I knew he would approve of me doing this today! I started to send the flyer out and concentrated on being a Mum!

Many people sent me lovely messages to say they were thinking of me. So much appreciated - thank you.

Dom and I went into Leeds for an appointment at Ice Innovation who are working with me on my new logo, rebrand, etc. Wow! I now have an extremely impressive plan! We have identified my key values as passion, quality and authenticity. Another useful thing would be if you could send me 10 key words that best describe me! What comes to mind when you think of me? This isn't me seeking approval - it is a classic marketing tool!

Then it was time to think of how we would have spent tonight with Clive and we did it - tea at Nandos followed by the cinema. I went to The Light in Leeds because we had been there so many times. We saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Thoroughly enjoyed it!

Once back at home I raised a glass of wine to Clive. We ended the day watching the very amazing Town called Panic. Clive would have loved it!

Spending Clive's birthday with my son and spending time enabling my purpose to grow would have been approved of by him. Don't you agree?

So I ask you three things

1. Pass on my flyer

2. Describe me in 10 words - email

3. Raise a glass (or cup of coffee) to Clive

And finally may I ask you to share with someone a story/comment/affect that knowing Clive had on you? If you want to email them to me for inclusion here I'd be happy to share them with your permission.