Friday, 26 August 2011

No one but you ....

I am continuing to reply to to the many, many emails sent to me when Clive died and asking permission to share some things with everyone in due course.

I am aware that my blog is cathartic for me but it appears that the support is two ways. I am so pleased by that. Knowing my thoughts are helping others after Clive's death is incredible.

Here are some tasters ...

The words from this poem by Joyce Grenfell (sent to me by Kate Atkin ) are apt ..

If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I’ve gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must, parting is hell
But life goes on, so sing as well

Consequently this is a song I wasn't familiar with but glad I am now. Freddy loved 'the stage' and so did our Clive.

Shelia Lemon wrote:-

He was truly inspirational and I have such respect for his ability to bounce back from anything that life threw at him. He delivered his presentations with humour and honesty, making it quite clear that any issues we may have came from within.

Is it any wonder  that I have a profound feeling of amputation since losing him? Although I have read many messages the last few days about Clive's inspiration on others it has left me in a cacophony of emotions - massive pride, gratitude, love and appreciation for him and what we all miss and wanted more of but the continuing feeling that the world has been robbed of a truly incredible person.

I drove into Leeds yesterday, initially feeling sad, listening to the 'Positive CD' that a friend has put together for me. I played this one on repeat ..

By the time I parked I had an incredible urge to dance! I posted an update on Facebook and within an hour had two invitations to do so - next time, ey? My advice to anyone when you are feeling down is MUSIC! It really can 'sooth the savage beast'.

Next I had meetings with some incredibly supportive people who have a tremendous belief in me and my future.  It is amazing - thank you guys.

I met Dom at Leeds station then. I had to gulp a few times because that is a place a would have amazing hugs of departure or reunion with Clive. He would always meet me with flowers too! I 'saw' him at the table in Starbucks. I 'saw' him coming through the barrier. I 'heard' him saying 'I aDore you'. I felt my heart breaking.

At the same time my heart was excited to be meeting Dom and so proud of how he now confidently makes his way across the Pennines independently. This time next year he'll be getting his GCSE results. Well done to Brendan, Oliver and Jordan by the way!

We walked back to where I had parked at The Light and I asked if he'd seen 'The Inbetweeners - the movie' yet. I had been waiting to see it but previously he'd declared it wasn't appropriate for him to go with me! Basically it is about teenage boys on their first foreign holiday together. We had once watched part of the series on television. One of the characters has divorced parents and has an attractive Mum. In one programme she had a boyfriend called Clive who turned up in a silver convertible! Seriously!

Dom said he'd seen it twice but would love to go again - so we did. The plan though was that I was not to look at him during the film!! I did offer to sit elsewhere but he tolerated me! I do not take it for granted that he is not ashamed to share humour with me and I with him. I had several belly laughs at the film! Great fun and so typical of many foreign holidays with groups of friends! I did my first one at the end of my first year at college - what an education!

After the film we met a chicken in the street - seriously!

She was handing out flyers for chicken wings in a sports bar .. so we simply had to oblige. I am looking forward to enjoying more adult things with Dom in the years to come!

Back home I did a few more emails and then joined Dom in my further education of teen humour with Lee Nelson's Well Good Show on BBC3. I am definitely more broad minded than I used to be!!

Today we have stayed in; eaten up chicken wings for lunch; taken it in turns on the computer and got ready for tomorrow ..... but that's another story ...

So what is your most uplifting piece of music? May I suggest you play it NOW and make sure you have it on your phone or somewhere accessible so you can give it a blast when your mood needs a lift?

And even better - if you can, sing and dance! That's what Clive would have done!

Elaine x

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