Sunday, 13 March 2011

I finally found the one ....

Yesterday (Saturday) I fulfilled one of Clive's values - integrity.
He was adamant that what you say, you do! Which is why those of you who were unable
to attend his Celebration due to other commitments will have done so with his blessing.

Clive was passionate about the speaking industry. He loved to make an impact from the stage.
He felt honoured and privileged, as I do, to be in that position.
The fact you are able to make a real difference to others through that medium is stunning.
I just found a quote from one of the many cards I received - 'Clive made me realise that I was
not a failure, I was just underestimating my self-worth'.
Wow! What an incredible message.

We had planned an event yesterday called 'It's not all foot lights and fat fees 2'.
He had delivered a similar day a while ago.
This time I was officially part of the day as we were working so closely together. Here was the invitation:-

What is it? It is a one-day get together of speakers and budding speakers where I intend to share anything and everything that I have learned over the last twelve years as a speaker. It IS NOT a speakers boot camp neither is it a ‘learn how to speak’ workshop, although I will be sharing how I construct a key note presentation. I will also be covering the subject of humour including the what, how and when of using humour, and I will be sharing my truth on the subject of integrity and authenticity in the speaking industry.
Elaine and I intend to share how I market myself including sharing our new client management system as well as sharing how going’ forward to basics’ is moving me forward in the speaking business. My commitment is to answer any and every question I am asked with integrity and using my truth. 
Why am I doing it? Although some speakers claim to do this every two years or so it has taken me almost twelve years to issue the invoice which took me over the one million pounds invoiced mark and I want to celebrate that with a few speakers who would like to do the same at some point, and maybe even a few who have done it already. 
Who is it for? It is essentially for speakers who, whether you are established in the world of speaking or you are just starting out on the adventure, would like to pick the brains and share the experience of someone who has been there and made most of the mistakes a speaker can make. 
Where is it? The day will be held at the beautiful settings of The Oulton Hall Hotel near Leeds 
How much is it? This is not a money making opportunity for me. It is simply an opportunity for me to show some abundance with my knowledge of the speaking industry. The event is limited to just TEN DELEGATES and the cost is a measly 25 quid which includes a bacon sandwich plus tea and coffee on arrival. You will be expected to buy your own lunch and the restaurant has a lovely selection of light lunches should you chose to use it. 
What to do now? If this is of no interest to you simply delete it. However if you would like to come along send me an email to and I will send you an invoice for £25. Because of the limited numbers your £25 must be paid prior to the day. The first ten payments I receive will be accepted.

So what was I to do? When Clive died three weeks ago some people immediately assumed I would cancel
the event. I did have that choice. Send refunds. Apologise to the venue. Sit and wallow about what would
'have been if...'

You guessed it! One foot in front of the other. I went ahead with it. Why?

  • Clive would have wanted me to and I had a team of people to support me with it
  • People would have been let down even though understood
  • The beautiful room was booked as were the bacon butties
  • I have six years of the speaking industry to share plus three years of Clive's
  • I believe in helping others and sharing
  • It may do me some good to share and get my ideas for my new keynotes/website/branding as Elaine Hanzak-Gott. 
Andy Preston had stayed over with me after the rugby
We had chatted for ages after the match and he offered to support me in anyway.
If It was 'too much' when I got to Oulton Hall he had plenty of skills to share, as did Lee Jackson, and Paul Kerfoot

My top tip - if you think you might need help - ASK. Set it up and you know what? You probably won't need it!

The last time I had been at Oulton Hall was at the beginning of February. We knew that on Valentine's Day we would be apart.
Clive was going for a knee replacement operation and was adamant that he preferred me to celebrate my niece's first birthday.

So he had told me to keep the Thursday before free. He had played golf at Oulton Hall in the morning and I joined him after lunch for our 'date'.
Somehow more romantic arriving in separate cars! We'd banned Blackberries and indulged in one another! We shut out the rest of the world. We swam. We sat in the steam room. We showered. We made love. We had afternoon tea. We walked and talked. We made love. We wandered around the beautiful hall. It was on the top of my list for our wedding venue. We had dinner. We were us. Precious, precious memories. 

I loved the me I was when I was with him.

Now less than a month later I was returning without my soul mate. He has gone. No more holding hands. That chest and arms no longer next to me and around me. No more just being.
I took up Andy's offer to drive me there and back (support). On arrival I had to take several BIG deep breaths. Blimey. It was tough.
There was a red carpet out for a wedding. Stunning chandeliers. Memories flooded back. Andy reassured me.

We immediately were greeted by Declan and Sarah who were spending the day with us followed by others.  And with those smiles and handshakes, the day began in earnest. Andy started off with asking each person to introduce themselves and what we wanted from the day. I could not wait to get started!
And once I did there was no stopping me! I used the slides Clive had prepared for the last session. I heard me telling my own stories. I heard myself telling his stories. I heard myself telling our stories.
Clive often said separately we were good. But together we were a phenomenal force!
And boy did I feel it! A few times my voice quivered but each time the sea of faces and an invisible energy pushed life back into me. I felt my sparkle sparkle!
I wanted to burst with 'stuff' to share. All round the table others added their ideas too. I loved it!
I know I am still very raw and vulnerable. I know I need to slow down a bit now. I need time to adjust and heal but yesterday underlined that I do have a wealth of material to share.

We had a lovely lunch (thanks Stuart for your patience in serving us all).
As we walked back into the main building my energy sapped. Gone. Vanished. Enough.
I was honest and everyone agreed that we had covered many of the key points and all were leaving feeling glad they had (heard that expression before...).
So I guess Clive would have been pleased with the day. Thank you to all those who attended and made it possible.
I was delighted that I had delivered something! I am not Clive Gott but his passion runs through me like a stick of rock. His passion for life. His passion for the speaking industry. His passion for sharing and helping. His passion for 'us'.

Later on Andy posted on Facebook

Spent a fantastic day with the amazing Elaine Hanzak-Gott! Awesome workshop for aspiring speakers today, plus great rugby last night!

Elaine - Clive loved you very much and would be very, very proud of you today. You set an example to everyone, were a true inspiration; given the circumstances you were amazing. Can't wait to see the material develop with you guiding it! Well done and much love xxx 

So I am now enjoying some pride, gratitude and TLC.

Clive was right that we can influence from the platform. He also influenced others by his writing as it increasingly seems I do too. I read through some of our early emails last night. Yes - I have every single one.
He once said it would make an amazing romance novel that millions would read. Anyone know a good publisher?
Just a taste and some music to go with it... It's how he made me feel......

Shayne Ward - Breathless (MUSIC VIDEO) by rhoroe

Within weeks of our friendship he wrote:-
I finally have found the one that appeals to my every sense and wish, the one who is deserving of my attention and deepest feelings, the one who excites me sexually
and intellectually, the one who has the dream and is prepared to chase it to the
ends of the earth, the one who brings the child out in me yet still finds a
way to bring out the protector and Knight in me. The one who's smile melts
me and who's touch dissolves any resistance I might have to her, the one who
laughs lots but cry's openly when she wants or needs to. In fact ... Simply
put...THE ONE.

I reckon it's a 'roof down, shades on' time to reflect. I read that and feel 'what a waste. How cruel for us to find one another and for it to be snatched away. We had so much to look forward to.' etc. etc.

Instead perhaps I have to find comfort in that we did have an amazing time. To find someone who I made feel that was priceless. I don't regret a moment. I simply wish that there could have been more.

Happy Sunday everyone.

Elaine x


simon west said...

Elaine, i have read your blog everyday since finding out about clives passing.I find it compelling,inspirational,truly loving and is another way to keep Clives spirit alive.When i found out about Clives passing a sense of sadness and anger swept over me.This might sound ridiculous but i only met Clive a few times when i went to his 1st seminars in Oct 1999,Feb 2000.But seeing someone like him rather than just reading books(Anthony Robbins etc)brought things home.That is why i felt the sadness,the anger is felt because we had to complete a brief session detailing what we wanted from the future,one of my goals was to become a speaker like Clive and even to have him work for ME!!!!!!

Of course that will never happen and probably wouldn't have anyway but you never know unless you try and i didn't try at all.In the last few weeks ive read and re-read all Clives blogs,inspiration letter and your blog to get myself back on the speaking path and now have read todays entry.If you ever have another speaking day like the one you have described at Oulton Hall then please can i be invited.Thank you for your time .Take care Simon x

Narjas said...

I am really moved Elaine, and so very sorry for your loss. Am crying openly - you're such an inspiration! I love Clive's words about finding his 'ONE'. That you are someone with a dream, and one that you are prepared to chase to the ends of the earth.

Lots of love from Gloucester in the Southwest. A giant hug, I'm thinking of you and sending you strong rays of hope. All the best during your healing journey, Elaine.