Well I am still waiting for my 'new' Internet at home! I excitedly plugged it all in first thing this morning but it is still flashing waiting to connect. So here I am back next door. If anyone knows of a 'Neighbours of the Year' award please let me know! The Fosters are second to none.
This morning was a bit tough. I felt overwhelmed with everything. That feeling of you have so much to do that you don't know where to start. First was nipping to my neighbours the other side to post this mornings blog - thank you Simon. Then home again. Lynn called to see me and I was still glum. I just had a real 'I miss Clive so much and why did he have to leave me' phase.
Then the day and I suspect 'life' turned around. A friend had offered his expertise around finance and business management to me. We sat and I faced all my existing bills, new ones, etc. and began to make a 'plan'. Likewise we chatted about all the many 'strings I have to my bow - presenting, writing, counselling, Forever Living Products distributor, supply teaching, etc. etc. Boy does it feel good when someone points out all the positives in your life!
I also am on the brink of further advances in my role as an expert by experience on postnatal illness and with Greatvine.com and Prima Baby magazine. I needed to be reminded what my other passion and prospects are - not just as a grieving partner. Tonight I feel myself beginning to emerge again.
Then I helped a couple who are facing challenges due to a miscarriage - she has developed some classic postnatal depression symptoms as a result. I listened and advised. Yet again my HANZAK principles came into play. We discussed for example:-
Hope and Honesty - remember that it will get better and the need to be open with each other
Attitude - that depression is an illness but often has no physical signs, but rest is still vital and being as positive as you can, even in short bursts
Needs -Nurture - Treat yourself as special and spoil each other, little touches made a big difference
Education - read up more about what may help
Exercise - starting with getting out of bed! Just move, even if a little
Diet - little and often with food
Sleep - remember that just laying flat rests your body. Get up and have a drink, write, etc. until you feel sleepy
Zest - have fun, plan a 'date night' together where activities are flexible and 'go with the flow' but the time together is a must. Appeal to the senses.
Altogether - support each other; ask for and embrace help
Kindness - rather than beating your self up over 'I should', I better had', 'I ought to' acknowledge that you are not well and allow yourself some healing time.
Once again I have found that helping someone else is actually very therapeutic.
Tonight I still feel exhausted, washed out and the weight continues to drop off me. I still feel like a Gingerbread man cutter - like someone has taken out all my insides and left an outline.
But maybe, just maybe today I have received and given help both of which leave me with feelings of gratitude, pride and hope.
I can feel Clive giving me a HUGE hug and saying 'well done baby. You're doing yourself proud'.
I know though that I cannot move forward in isolation. My support team grows by the day. I am facing the biggest loss in my life yet at the same time being bouyed along by living angels.
Thank you for playing your role in that.