Well today started reasonably well. I had woken up at 4 a.m having slept drug free but then decided I needed to be switched off again. It was after 9 when I woke and I instantly felt like today would be okay. I got up, showered, dressed and buzzed in the office all morning sorting out changing more names on bills, etc.
I could not believe where the energy came from!
I also took delivery of a parcel - a microwave Bagpuss. I have two warm, furry friends now to take to bed!
Thank you so much.
I had a bacon sandwich for lunch which made me think of Clive. He had been a butcher, in one of his many previous jobs, and was very particular in choosing lean bacon from the shop. He always turned the packet upside down to check for fat. At home he'd cut the rind off and let Peeka have it - Peeky bits, he called them. We often had a walk in the early morning on a Sunday on the beach at Bridlington. Crisp, sandy wind. I now have a huge desire for a beach walk!
I spent this afternoon with Sara, Clive's ex-wife going through more admin 'stuff'. It is certainly making me want to make sure all my files and finances are in ordered for whoever I leave behind to sort it. How are yours?
I then had a walk to post the letters. As I dropped his driving licence and passport into the postbox and massive wave of grief landed on me. I feel overwhelmed this evening with everything. I could quite easily just close the door and let everything just pass me by. I guess I am tired. I will ride the rollercoaster back up again - I promise!
Then the thing that has knocked me today has been my own efficiency - or lack of it. I spoke to BT about changing the name of the account and we set things up differently. In doing so I have now lost internet for a few days! Aargh! So I am now next door in Michelle's house. I can access my emails via my Blackberry but for now my 'fixes' via the web for support are somewhat restricted. Silly me.
Perhaps being 'off line' might get me to sleep a bit better. I also was delighted today to receive a parcel from Texas. It was a book called 'The Power of Who' inscribed by the author Bob Beaudine
Thank you Bob. I'll be reading instead of typing tonight. I continue to be amazed and comforted by the massive support I have out there - even from across the Atlantic it seems!
Perhaps tomorrow I need to allow myself some proper relaxation.
But for now I leave you with this:-