Sunday, 15 May 2011


After my hectic night in Preston I was back with my parents to watch The Eurovision song contest and we also looked after baby Sophie for the night.

You'll have to catch me to clean me up!
Meanwhile my poor brother Kevin had 'nipped' up to Keswick for a few hours to deliver an important letter but a wheel had literally come off his car whilst on the motorway! He is currently stranded up there until it is sorted! Thank goodness he was in the inside lane and not the fast one when it happened!

I confess to falling asleep as I watched television and then slept well - first good night in 3. Not surprisingly this more it was a tearful one again. Mum and I played with Sophie as we listened to Steve Wright Sunday Love Songs and had a long, leisurely breakfast.

It was therapeutic to let the tears flow prompted by some songs and Mum made no effort to stop me! That in itself is good. How many times do we tell people 'don't cry'? I find it far better to be allowed to rather than bottle them up.

This song prompted more tears ...

Of course, all my thoughts at first were about the loss of Clive and for all the support he gave me.
However, as I listen to the lyrics they could apply to many others in my life at some point - my parents, Dominic, Nick, the list is endless. I guess the truth is that we all support others if we give them our best at different times and stages in our lives, whilst we are with them.

I am looking forward to attending a concert tonight where the stars of the show are young women who were originally in my nursery class! There will be faces there too from other periods in my life, who I know were a support to me in the past as I hope I was to them.

We are all products of our past experiences, relationships and challenges. They create our present. The choices we make shape our future.

I wrote yesterday about 'Sliding Doors' and how quickly our lives can turn one way or another. My brother could have so easily been injured, or worse, in hs car yesterday. I have just been with Dominic who shared events he was involved with on Friday evening which could have had terrifying results, but didn't.

We were looking at photos of Sophie's 1st birthday - 6 days before Clive died. I sobbed at how happy I had been then which so much to look forward to.
 I also cried at seeing Sophie today in this outfit I had bought that same day - I was in the shop as Clive was texting me in the minutes before his knee surgery. How life can change so fast.

My adorable niece Sophie

I am struggling a little again today. I miss sharing the details of everyday life with him. The texts and emails between us when we were apart. The fact that he will not be sitting on our stairs when I go home later on.

So I will put on my make-up and go out with a smile even though my heart continues to break, and count the many blessings I still have.

Elaine x

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