Monday, 2 May 2011

Llandudno (part 2)

I had a lovely mooch around Llandudno this lunchtime. I have never seen the town so busy and the Victorian Extravaganza was very impressive with fair ground rides, side stalls, people dressed in Victorian costumes, steam engines, etc. I had a look in some shops but nothing took my eye. I have lost the buzz in shopping. I kept texting Chris but got no response. Strange as he had suggested where I should park and we'd meet for lunch. By 1.45 I was getting rather anxious. Were they all okay? Had he changed his mind?

In an early text he had told me where they were staying so eventually, rather than sulking, decided to check it out. Chris, EmJ and her grandparents were all there. Meanwhile Chris had been wondering the same about me as he had also been sending messages and calling me, to no avail! It would appear Llandudno and/or our mobile phones have a signal problem! It shows how easily misunderstandings and wrong conclusions can arise. Have you ever driven away or given up on someone or thing because you 'assumed' something negative?

When my parents were first 'courting' the romance was nearly over before it began because they both spent over an hour waiting for each other at Blackpool bus station - around the corner from each other, both assuming they had been stood up! If they hadn't moved and looked then I may have never even been created!

It was good to see Chris's parents again. Like my parents they must find it so hard in being unable to take their childs' pain of bereavement away, but similarly they help in as many ways as they can. Emily is adorable and was thoroughly enjoying her holiday but was ready for a nap. Chris and I wandered along the promenade and onto the pier. Everywhere was so busy but the sky was blue, people were happily enjoying the town, entertainment and each other. A British Bank Holiday weekend at its best.

It is good to listen and talk to someone who really understands what it is like to lose a partner from first-hand experience. I have never really known anyone close to me in their 40's to be in this position. I first met Chris last August, roughly around the same time span after he had lost Joe (Joanne) as I am now at after Clive's death. Tragically just over 6 months later I am in a similar position and now we console each other. Both of us were so very, very happy. We knew we had found our soul mates. We have both asked the same question 'why give us all that happiness and hope only to have it stolen away?'  We have no answer.

Chris and I at the launch of the Charity in January.

Chris has a stunning classic British racing green Jaguar XJS with a cream leather interior. It is his other 'baby', lovingly restored over the years. He wanted to drive up to the Great Orme in it. We did so but didn't linger as it was too windy. Halfway down we stopped in a cafe and watched the parade of vintage vehicles go passed - fire engines, trucks, coaches, charra-bangs  (a cabriolet version of a coach was my definition!) and other classics. There were many 'watchers' taking photographs and getting very excited! After a while we decided we had had enough and merged into the cavalcade. Spectators waved at us and took photos of Chris's car too!

We dined at The Quay hotel in Deganwy overlooking Conwy and Snowdonia. I am inspired to get my walking gear out and to head for the hills. I always have felt at peace in wide, open spaces. My exercise regime has deeply slipped and I should get it back again. Perhaps I would sleep better too? The steak and chips were lovely and conversation flowed about Joe and Clive but also we chatted about the three worst things about losing our loved ones; the three main things we missed most about them but finished with what have we got to be proud of over recent weeks and what we have to look forward to. We left feeling upbeat.

Back in Llandudno we went back into Chris's hotel and had a drink in the bar area where there was a singer performing for the guests. We were by far the youngest in the room! One lady was sporting a crocheted, pink hat complete with sequins and matching choker necklace. Others showed off (gently) their jive moves. Better than staying in, seeing no-one and going nowhere.

They too had made their choice to be out amongst other people, just as we had done.
It doesn't make the pain go away and the emptiness returns as soon as you are alone again, as I am now. But just for a little while it helps.

For Joe and Clive ..

I am glad I chose a day in Llandudno and created some new, happy memories. Thank you Chris.

N nite,

Elaine x

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