We were on a mission for a shirt for him to wear with his new suit, as not only did he have the christening but he has his cousin's wedding in the next couple of months and Work Experience which need more than a school shirt. I confess we did the 'female' thing of liking the first one he tried on but then trailing around many other shops before returning for the original one! He got two finally - a smart white one and a very classy royal blue one from Moss Bros, plus two ties. We had a cherry tart and ice cream too. I found the shop called 'Collection Box' which was where Clive had got my Christmas presents this year - two wonderful picture frames. He had said we would both return and get more treats from there. I spotted the Infinity Candle he had told me about which is now on my wish list.
Clive was brilliant at choosing presents. Once he delighted a friend with a Tiny Tears doll as she had told him it was the one thing she longed for as a child. Between us we sourced it on the internet and a few days later made her day! Dom once asked me how you became like that - I gave him one word 'listen'. I was SO pleased when he arrived with a CD for me of Bruno Mars which I had mentioned last time we were together.
It has my favourite 'You're Amazing' on it which the first time Clive heard in the pub, he rang me to say it was written especially for me. But guess what else I discovered is on the album? I'd heard this a few weeks ago and it sums up how I felt on Friday (apart from the verse about sex with a girl!!!). I didn't know what it was until Dom played it for me!
So the next time I have an 'opt out' day I shall just post this!
Dom and I got some goodies in for our meal and had a chilled evening eating and watching tv. Brill! I did have an 'eleven weeks ago' tonight moment but it passed without a tear and with gratitude for the warmth with my son.
I got to sleep well but then there was noise in the cul-de-sac as visitors were leaving then I was awake for the next two hours! Aargh!
This morning Dom and I had bacon butties and got ready for the christening. Baby Teagan was born a few days after Clive died, to his nephew Nick and partner Sharon. It was lovely today to be having a family gathering for a happy reason. I beamed with pride with Dom who looked stunning in his suit and new shirt. Nick had asked him to be the official photographer. During the service at one point I had Dom one side of me, six year old Emily cuddled up the other side wearing the coat Clive and I had got her for Christmas, then my goddaughter Ruby climbed onto my lap and she and Dom played a game with a fluffy rabbit. I felt a gush of warmth, love and energy flush through my body. Was it Clive with me? Whatever it was, it was beautiful.
Even though three other babies were being Christened we were right at the front so Dom got some great shots and video footage.
The next few hours were spent at the party with plenty of tasty food and warm, friendly company. Clive might have physically gone but the love, warmth and support he has left me with his family is fantastic. I love it when Sue calls me Auntie Elaine. Emily took a shine to Dom who handled her superbly. Lynn and I sat there swelling with pride for our children.
See photos here
|My boy and I|
The last hour some familiar faces from our nights out in Tadcaster came in to watch a match the other side of the room. It was good to see them.
Dom and I called back home briefly and then set off on the M62 to rendezvous with my parents at Birch services. We played Bruno all the way. There isn't a track I don't like. Fab choice Dom. We had a good chat in Costa coffee and caught up with news - they have been up in Scotland with my sister for the week. As I write this Dom is having tea with them before going home.
I have driven back home to Tadcaster listening to Bruno and reflecting on a very happy time. We all miss Clive, no-one more than me as I lived with him. He was my soulmate. My future.
But that future has taken a different path and it remains to be seen where. However, surrounded by the love of two families, it HAS to be a good one.
Thank you to all those who have made this one of my best days since Clive died.
So what have I learnt?
- That I can bounce back after a 'down'
- That I have so much love from two families
- My soul mate may have gone but I am still loved
- That I can listen to romantic songs which remind me of Clive without crying!