Elaine Hanzak's Blog: I melt

Monday 2 May 2011

I melt

I admit I was up late last night! I got carried away listening to You Tube music videos! Some made me smile, others made me cry. Either way I avoided going to bed. So of course I am tired today.

That made me reluctant to come home. The empty house scenario. But once I did was okay. I am going to visit a school tomorrow with a view to doing some supply teaching.

I have been reading a book called 'The Wheel of Life' by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who has also written 'On Death and Dying'. It is described as a memoir of Living and Dying. Molly gave it to me and I am fascinated by it.

I will say more when I have finished it but she quotes a poem that had been on her Grandmother's wall:-

'Always when you think
you cannot make it anymore
from out of nowhere
comes a little light.

This little light
will renew your strength
and give you the energy
to go one more step.'

Those little lights keep turning up for me. Today's was a beautiful, supportive email from a friend, and here I am back home in my office, with no tears. Clive is looking at me from different angles from photographs.

It is awful that he has gone. So much life. So much living and giving left in him.

Yet I do feel very lucky that we did have the depth of romance and love that we did.

I have found a new love - Rascal Flatts! In the early hours I found their music and am loving it!
I shall feature some tracks over the next few weeks.

This one reminded me of when we went to Portugal two years ago. We stayed near the marina at Vilamoura for a few days before his golf buddies came out and I returned. It was bliss!
Our room was overlooking the pool and several times I would open my eyes to see him watching me on a sun lounger and sometimes taking pictures. He made me feel so special, appreciated and sexy! He was just as adoring on the cruise, and even though I would be surrounded by younger, slimmer women he made me feel like I was the only one who existed.