Thursday, 19 May 2011

Elements of existence

Well another day has been and gone. Hope you had a good one.

I almost overslept and was late for my nail appointment! My lovely friend Dinah had treated me to it - double the pleasure! Thank you so much.

It was a different place and I won't be going back. When I arrived one member of staff was sweeping outside whilst the girl doing my nails kept breaking off from me to answer the phone. Meanwhile I had to ask if either the tv or radio could be turned off! They had both on. Is it just me or is that too much sensory input? I was there to relax and feel pampered. Instead I was getting more irritated!

The girl doing my nails was very nice and she did a good job however once the other lady came inside (it turned out she was the owner), she then began to make business calls right behind me! She was arguing with BT about her company phone bill! I smiled to myself as almost everything she said in conversation was negative. Her employee reminded her she is going away soon, 'oh, but I'll soon be back' was the reply.

Rick, one of the speakers at last night's PSA meeting had spoken about such characters. He recommended not even trying to change them! Stick to the positive people and let the negatives be miserable together!

I nipped home for a while and felt very sad that Clive wasn't about. He used to love doing a 'nails' check when I got back from them being done.

Next was the hairdressers. I sat in Genesis still feeling ruffled. I picked up Tatler magazine and my thoughts were all negative. I cursed the glamour models. Beautiful places I can't afford to go. Stunning clothes I would be too fat for. Wallow. Wallow. Wallow.
I looked at the horoscope page and remembered how Clive used to say they were rubbish but something drew me to mine - Leo.

Having been forced to reorganise elements of your existence you'd had no intention of altering, you're not exactly thrilled with the news of yet more developments. You should be. Even unsettling events constitute breakthroughs. But you won't know that until much later, which means plunging in. If in doubt, think of times in the past when you felt as uneasy. Those worked. These will too.
Tatler. June 2011

I wanted to laugh out loud! I thought back to the day when I had sat at the top of the stairs with a screaming baby in his cot in the room next to me and began to literally bang my head against the wall, as puerperal psychosis descended on me.That was a bleak day and life was extremely tough for a while. I got through that with help, support and time. I will get through this.

With that I changed my thoughts and conversation. I could have continued to down everything, especially myself. Instead I chatted about positive things to the staff. I was most impressed that the young lady washing my hair had remembered I was going to speak in Colchester last time I was in and she wondered how it had gone. Excellent customer service! Paula cut and styled my hair with me chirping away happily. Only once did my eyes fill up at a memory of our nights out with Clive.

With bouncy, bright hair I was then treated to lunch out by a friend where the conversation remained positive.

I have spent the rest of today clearing the old office. As I have done so I have come across a few of Clive's notes he had scribbled here and there.

The two which stick out are
'My purpose - to leave the world a better place than I found it.'

He did that alright! The many, many messages I have received confirm that.

On the notice board he had printed out,
"It matters not what I tell people that I do with my life, it is what I actually do when I am my only witness that creates my integrity"  Clive Gott
under which was a Post-in note on which he had written,
'At this point in your life why would you do anything that you are not passionate about?'  Molly Harvey

So tonight I ask you these questions,
  1. Could you improve your day by choosing to think/speak positively instead of negatively?
  2. Are you living your purpose?
  3. Are you being honest with yourself?
  4. Are you living life with passion?
A beautiful song I heard whilst having lunch made me put my hand on my tummy, as Clive told me to when I wanted to feel his strength. I did do. 

But I also recognise MY strength is increasing.

Elaine x

1 comment:

Grace McCarthy said...

Hello Elaine,

it's been many weeks since I read your blog and for some reason you popped into my head today so I caem to check out how you are doing since you lost your precious Clive. I can see you are doing really well and what an interesting evening you spent with many wonderful people - how blessed you are! I never met you or Clive but read much about him through my Forever colleagues and somehow, some of it stuck. I wish you much love and laughter over the coming months even though things don't get any easier, you just learn to cope with it more :)

Grace McCarthy