Now I felt faced by three other Cs causing me upset - broken Computer, broken Car and loss of Clive!
Mum joined me and said any of those 3 are a challenge but ALL 3 are not good!
So what to do? The computer is getting sorted today; 'Clive' is ongoing!
The car? Clive used to use the story of a warning light on your dashboard to show people the importance of looking after yourself. He would say that when you see those lights you have 2 choices - take out the fuse, ignore it and carry on (in which case you will not avoid the inevitable breakdown) OR you take it and get it fixed. He compared this to our own health - when you get the equivalent of a flashing warning light do you ignore it because you haven't time to go and bother a doctor? You are not important? You know best? He used to say more people spent more on car servicing than they did their own health.
Sadly for Clive he had ignored the flashing warning signs on his own health for too long. In the New Year he finally did take note and had changed his diet, new exercise regime and had his knee fixed. Unfortunately he did this too late as his arteries were already furred too badly for anyone to have saved him.
|Dubai - we danced in the desert!|
I knew yesterday morning I could not ignore my cars health. I also was driving Dom back across the M62 with me. There was no way I would endanger him. My choice was to fix it! First garage I was grumpily told they didn't 'do' warning lights! Second one that 'I'd chosen a bad day as their guy wasn't in on a Saturday'! Third place had me sorted and back on the road in a few hours! Thank you Grangeside Garage for excellent service.
In the meantime Dom and I had lunch with my parents. At last we headed back but called en route to B and Q then Rivendell garden centre for more bedding plants. I had been here a few weeks ago with Dom and been in tears at both. BIG improvement today. The underlying feeling of sadness remains but generally the pain isn't as intense.
We got back to Yorkshire and visited Lynn, Rod, Emily and little Ruby. It is a delight to see them so happy in their new home.
I quickly put the new plants in the front garden and went back into Tadcaster to collect a Chinese takeaway for us. York races had been on and many of the pubs had racegoers drinking outside. I wave of sadness came over me as I remembered how Clive and I had enjoyed those days. Increasingly I am accepting that they and he have gone.
I have to put my energies into my future. Having an evening with my gorgeous son on the sofa was fab! We munched most of the night whilst we watched Ice Age 2 then The Shawshank Redemption. I love Morgan Freeman! Both films reminded me of Clive but I also knew he would be pleased with how I had got through the day.
I had chosen to get my car fixed and stay safe. I had connected and communicated with people who are in my life and spent quality time with them. I had cared and been kind to myself by turning my memories into smiles not tears. And I am pretty sure Dom would say I was kind to him!
So today the computer should get fixed!
What can you fix today - starting with yourself?