Why? Several things. I got up earlier to do some 'office time' so I could enjoy a few hours of sunshine in the back garden. Clive would do this so he could enjoy his beloved golf. He'd say 'guilt is an emotion you choose to accept' and 'you can only feel guilty if you have knowingly done something wrong'. If you are self-employed it is down to YOU to organise yourself. Who says it has to be 9 - 5?
I had a shower and sorted a problem out! For the last week the shower tray hasn't been draining. Oh dear! 'A man' job. Well I had spotted in the garage a can of drain cleaner - job sussed! Clive used to say every day was 'a day at school' and one of his values was life long learning. That was mine today (so far) and I was proud of myself.
I put on the dress Clive had got me on our idyllic day in Rhodes town last September on our cruise. One of our favourite places and where we got two prints for the lounge which we based the whole 'new look' on.
Just wearing this dress on a very hot day cheered me today.
I had also listened to this Lionel track today. Clive often said his 'job was to keep my baby smiling'.
Now he would want 'to reduce the pain'.
I got the bus into Leeds (easier and less hassle than driving) and went to take my accounts to Roy at Virtual FD. I am feeling increasingly 'in control' of my business, finances, etc. because if I don't no-one else will. I have to and am taking responsibility!
Next was a wonderful meeting with kindred spirits! No, they weren't wearing turquoise dresses but very quickly it was apparent that we shared many values, goals and visions. Pete Evans from Altum V had felt that his contacts Mike Coote and Dave Evans from http://www.stratagemplusgroup.com/ would be of mutual interest.
I was in my element being a female taken out for dinner with three men! We met at the impressive http://www.therestaurantbarandgrill.co.uk/leeds.html . Delightful surroundings, delicious food, charming staff!
As we chatted (well I did!) about our respective lives, business, etc. I began to realise just how much strength I have gained in recent weeks. My chip that 'I wasn't good enough' for corporate audiences has evaporated based on the positive reactions I have received in recent weeks.
I am very content with how things are progressing as I know I have a rite of passage as a speaker. No-one will book me to do a keynote just because I was Clive's partner. I have to earn that right. Little by little I am doing so with a far more generic talk.
How my journey will progress with Mike and Dave remains to be seen but it was stunning how much we seemed to agree on. My vision is to be able to earn enough to be comfortable but also to enable me to then give my time for free to those who haven't the funds but would benefit from my messages. Their vision was similar.
I left the restaurant totally inspired and excited. I had more texts whilst on the bus which made me smile - thanks Paul. x
The bus stopped outside one of our local pubs and some friends were sitting outside. I jumped off and enjoyed a drink and chat with some of the 'Tad' crowd. As I walked home I chatted to Dom and Mum. Perfect!
Just before I left home this afternoon I had received a newsletter for Clive. I replied to the sender informing them of Clive's death. The response back was beautiful about how inspiring Clive had been and one of those rare people who touch your life and you never forget them. As I stepped inside tonight he sent me a further message so I gave him a ring. How refreshing to actually pick up the phone and say 'hello'.
I took off my dress and am now wearing one of Clive's short sleeved shirts. I better not say what he thought of me doing that - my Mum reads this!! I feel exceptionally close to him tonight. Yet in a deep, grateful and proud way - for both of us.
Meeting Clive Gott turned my life upside down (and that of my family). I am now on a new chapter of growing and new relationships, opportunities and experiences. It feels like I am using the best of us both.
I have a calendar on the kitchen wall which has a photo of Clive for each month. It is exactly the right height for me to stand on tip-toe to kiss! It's the one photo I speak to, sob to, shout at and sigh at.
Tonight, wearing his shirt, I stretched up, kissed him and said 'Thank you'.