Well Clive's 'motion creates emotion' worked a treat today. I didn't initially feel like doing anything BUT by simply getting up I was on a roll!
I listened to the whole of Steve Wrights Sunday Love Songs without a tear for the first time since Clive died! Progress! There were several happy memory smiles but no sad thoughts. Meanwhile I gave myself a pamper to be ready for 'summer'! Why now has the forecast changed to showers?!
I had a chat to Mum - baby Sophie still not too well. Bless her.
Next was a clean bedroom, bed linen, bathroom and all upstairs dusted and vacuumed. The washing was all done and then ironed too!
I was too busy to make myself a 'proper' meal so whizzed myself up a milkshake with a banana with my Forever meal replacement.
I cleaned all downstairs too then onto the garden! There are three lawns to cut. I admit that I got cross with Clive by the time I got round to the back one! Why did he leave me to do all this myself? I loved our weekends together .. and week days..
But anger is wasted emotion, as is envy, jealousy, regret and revenge. What does it cause other than more misery? There is no point. So I decided to change my thinking. On reflection I had enjoyed my day. By late afternoon I decided I had done enough and caught the last hour of 'Goodnight Mr. Tom'. Love it! Clive and I had watched it many times together. Poignantly as Mr. Tom is with the boy at the graveside of his wife and son he tells him that he isn't the only one ever to lose some one (his friend had been killed). Mr. Tom explains that you never lose them - they are always in your memory. They will remain there and no-one can take that from you. Increasingly I feel small examples of the 'Yayyy!' that the boy does on his late friends bike down the hill , for example, dancing at the IAPH conference a couple of weeks ago. I AM allowed to smile and have fun. It doesn't mean I love Clive any less, but maybe I am allowing myself to love me more and accept that I am still alive and deserve to be happy.
Mum suggested this song for my blog ..
live continues to be an inspiration, doesn't he?
I had a tasty tea - salmon salad and strawberries. It was one of our favourites.
My friend Sharon popped round and we have had a wonderful evening. I was telling her that I still have some of my Virgin Vie cosmetics and jewellery to sell, plus my Aloe Vera Forever Living Products. I also had said I would have a bedroom warming girlie night. Before she left we had created an event! Please come to my house on Sunday 26th June from 6 p.m. for the above! I will do a BBQ and proceeds of the night will be split between a charity for the homeless (Juli can you come?); Clive Gott Memorial Foundation and Joanne Bingley Memorial Foundation. (Dinah and Mary?).
Raffle prizes accepted too! I will create an event page on Facebook when I can get a PC to work properly (my laptop objects to it!).
So I have come up to bed a happy girl tonight. All clean bedding and a contented feel for what I have achieved today.
I hope you had a good day too.