Clive always used to speak about breaking down targets, goals, etc. into small steps - that way it is achievable.
When asked how did he run 26 miles for a marathon, his reply was that he didn't - he ran a mile 26 times.
Currently one of our friends, Andy McMenemy, is running 66 marathons in 66 days for The Soldiers Charity.
That is one heck of a way to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Mentally and emotionally I am facing the toughest challenge I have ever done, in losing Clive. Each day I think of Andy putting one foot in front of the other. Some days for him are harder and more painful than others. But he just keeps going.
So that is how I taking his bereavement when I am thinking rationally - like today.
I woke at 5.30 and could not sleep so have been up since 6.30 a.m. (thought of you Molly). My energy levels seemed much better and I tackled some of the emails and admin piled up - well a dent! That made up for the last two days.
I had been invited out for lunch and part of me wanted to decline because of my 'list' but after two miserable days completely on my own I decided that company would be good. First I met the lovely Terry Anne Scholes who had heard Clive speak several times and linked with me via Clive's Facebook page. I was delighted to and we agreed to meet. I am so pleased we did! After our coffee she invited me to a lunch with some other local ladies. They were all new to me and at one point I began to feel a bit overwhelmed. I somehow just wanted a hug. Incredibly at that moment a lady walked in who I did know from trips I had been on to Europe with Forward Ladies! Sandra Corcoran provided that hug!
I felt fine then. I was glad that I had followed my Mum's mantra of 'life is more fun if you smile and say yes'!
Another strange timing incident happened too. Just before I left home Zoe Ball on Radio 2 was asking people to contact the programme with messages about the London Marathon on Sunday so I sent in an email about Andy - why do 1 marathon when you can do 66! Incredibly I was in the car less than two minutes whilst we moved from one car park to another. Just as I was maneuvering Zoe mentioned Andy but I think she quoted 'Ann' who had written in. No matter - he got the mention he deserved.
I was barely home before I had to get ready to drive into Leeds to watch Rhinos. En route 'The Summer of 69' was on the radio - the song that had been played as Clive was carried onto the pitch. Choice time - tears or turn it up loudly, bang on the dashboard and sing like Clive would have done? I chose the latter! He was like an excited toddler driving to Rhinos games. I loved it.
I had invited Chris Bingley tonight as we were playing Huddersfield Giants, where he lives. The welcome I get from the staff at Headingley continues to be so warm. I am a total convert to being a spectator and 'fan'. Tonight I was invited to be guest in a different suite. It is a brilliant way for corporate entertaining and Chris and I had a very good evening - thank you Lawrence. We sat in different seats which seemed odd. I coped well until the teams had a minutes silence for some ex-players who had died. It is only to be expected that all I see on the pitch is Clive's coffin ... and balloons.
When they sing 'We are Leeds Rhinos' that is another potential 'wobble' but tonight I was okay, flanked by Chris and Lawrence. Unfortunately the Leeds boys tonight were not at their best. Huddersfield wiped the board! Clive would have had his head in his hands! But I still enjoyed it.
I have been introduced to some new people today. It has been a far better day than the last couple. As I have written this I have been listening to music. Clive once phoned me from his beloved 'Coach and Horses' because someone played this on the Juke Box and wanted me to listen. It was another of our anthems.
I still don't like going to bed ...
But I will.
N.B. Clive's products can be ordered via here.