Pink!

It was good to wake up this morning with a house guest! Angela and I had our tea and hot cross buns sitting in dressing gowns in the sunny back garden.

 

Over the next couple of hours we chatted about our lives and I quite was taken aback when I heard 'Clive's words' being spoken. They were coming from my mouth though!!! It was as if he were literally joining in the conversations and choices with us. I heard myself posing questions, just as he did. Stepping back to really listen and work our ways through things. So many of his words of wisdom through experience are so relevant and true. I felt like I was witnessing Clive and Angela talking.

 

Before she left we had a mutual support plan. Both of us are sorting out our bedrooms because we both have a problem with them in different ways. We both feel that this is a start to getting the rest of our lives in order because it is affecting our sleep which HAS to be sorted out. We have planned a treat the first weekend in June and by the end of this week we are going to exchange our plans/achievements which we shall have in place by then. We have agreed to mutual reminders and encouragement.

 

When Angela left I got busy cleaning my bedroom and en suite ready for decorating tomorrow. I am sooo excited about it. Mark and Jordan carried the wardrobe into the garage for me and it just needs a big clean before Mum, Dad and I will set to!

 

Next I drove into Leeds to visit our friends Jamie and Emma, plus their adorable 3 boys all under 5! We had a good chat in the sunshine and I got more eggs from their chickens. This is a growing trend. Emma was telling me how she often thinks of Clive's messages especially when the boys are being, well boys under 5 - his notion of just putting one foot in front of the other keeps her sane and focused! She has put her own version to this as 'Keep swimming' which is the same idea but presented by a fish character in the film 'Finding Nemo'.

 

What's yours?

 

I was only just back home when my friend Dinah arrived! She brought a home-made lasagna, salad, wine and cup cakes! That's what I call a welcome visitor. Dinah had 'found me' via the Internet last year when her friend Joe had taken her own life. Dinah was desperate to start something in the Huddersfield area to help other woman affected by postnatal illness. From that 'search' and the dedication of all the trustees and supporters, we now officially have the charity launched.  http://www.joebingleymemorialfoundation.org.uk/

 

And another special friendship. We dined in the garden and even Mark joined in from over the fence! In my absence this afternoon he had mowed the front lawns for me and put stripes on them - Clive would be impressed. Much appreciated.

 

Dinah helped me make final decisions on which walls will be pink or white in the bedroom (confirmed by Mark!) and a plan is forged. Clive and I had already chosen and got the wallpaper and pink was it!

 

I realised that I haven't checked my Blackberry all day. I explained to Dinah that Sunday nights were very special for Clive and I as we would regularly choose to 'switch off' the outside world and focus just on us. I said that I had done that this weekend. I have thoroughly enjoyed wall-to-wall friends yesterday and today. Some of whom we have been waiting to catch up for weeks. I therefore feel it is only fair and appropriate to be with them when I am with them. So if you have text or emailed this weekend I am not ignoring you - just 'being in the moment'' with whom I have been with.

 

How often do you do that? How much of a conversation do you miss with the person sitting with you because you are reading a text?

 

Clive was snatched away. I have no regrets about our relationship (except its physical end) and I am so pleased that we DID ensure times when we concentrated on each other.  We also did that on holiday - our phones were in the safe and twice a day we agreed a quick check on them, dealt with anything vital, then away they went.

 

I guess it's about this ...

 

 

 

I now have a confession .... the wall behind the bed is already pink!! Well I am sure I heard the paint pot shouting 'try me! try me!'

 

So plenty of 'stuff' for you tonight:-

 

• Who is in your support team?
• What do you say to yourself to keep you going through tough bits?
• Are you REALLY with someone who you are with?

 

I have thoroughly enjoyed the last two days. Yet again I feel blessed with a network of delightful friends whom I have shared my vision for my future, shared wonderful memories of amazing Clive, spent time with them and bathed not just in sunshine but true warmth and love of others.

 

And most beautiful of all is the spirit of Clive glowing brightly amongst us. Thank you for being part of it.

 

Now, do I do the ceiling before I go to sleep.....????

 

N nite,

 

Elaine x